Advertising Lullaby / All-American Bullshit [1999 © George Carlin]

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"Quality. Values. Style. Service. Selection. Convenience. Economy. Savings. Performance. Experience. Hospitality. Low rates. Friendly service. Namebrands. Easy terms. Affordable prices. Money back guarantee. Free installation. Free admission. Free appraisal. Free delivery. Free alterations. Free home trial. And free parking.

No cash? No problem! No kidding. No fuss, no muss. No risk. No obligation. No red tape. No down payment. No entry fee. No hidden charges. No purchase necessary. No one will call on you. No payments with interests until September.

But, limited time only. Those who act now. Order today. Send no money. Offer good while supply lasts. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly may be required. Some restrictions may apply.

So come on in ... for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly professional staff. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift: A classic delux custom designer luxury prestige high quality premium select gourmet pocket pencil-sharpner. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you.

And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complimentary bonus gift: A classic delux custom designer luxury prestige high quality premium select gourmet combination key ring magnifying glass and garden hose, in a geniune immitation leather style carrying case with authentic vinal trim. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you.

Actually, it's our way of saying: bend over just a little bit farther, so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper! you miserable no good fucking consumer asshole!

Because you do know folks, living in this country, you know that every time you are exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business, is still, the manufacture, packaging, distribution, and marketing of Bullshit. High quality, grade A, prime cut, pure American Bullshit. And the sad part is, most people seem indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: Advertising, politics, salesmen. Not true! Bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is ramping. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law-enforcement people are full of shit."

~ George Carlin

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