Mad Decent, World Trade Center, Legos, Martha Stewart, Buzzfeed [Scrapple TV News]

From High atop the Scrapple News Tower in Downtown Philadelphia; I’m AP Ticker and this is a headline sandwich with the crusts cut off. Two people have died of drug overdoses and dozens more are hospitalized following a Maryland music fest on Sunday... Concert goers were warned not to eat the brown acid but that only made them want it more. A colonial era boat was discovered underneath the World Trade Center during reconstruction. Conspiracy theorists finally feel vindicated that the british were really behind 9/11. A man on death row received 14 doses of lethal injection and writhed in pain before finally expiring nearly two hours later. I guess they just do everything bigger in Texas. An intoxicated woman was filmed eating chips off the floor of a Metro North train in NYC last week. That subway car has a four star Zagat review, so, you know that counts for quality. The Guardian reports that rats have become a serious problem in the public gardens at the Louvre in Paris, which is a really mean way to describe the influx of American tourists. Lego has released a new set marketed towards little girls. The new series focuses on female scientists and is a huge leap forward in pretend gender equality. In fifty years there will either be more women in science or more boys with body dysmorphia. House Republicans have voted to sue President Obama for exceeding his executive authority in his implementation of the Affordable Healthcare Act. The President responded “I couldn't Obamacare-less.” A New York hotel is charging its customers a $500 fine for posting negative reviews online for their shitty customer service. Don’t think I can steal $500 worth of towels and shampoo to make up for it? Challenge accepted! The biggest closet in the world, a million dollar walk-in featured on Good Morning America, was burglarized this weekend. Police are on the look out for a sharp dressed man. The New York Times Editorial Board took a stance on pot, saying the government should repeal the federal ban on marijuana. The Board then asked for Doritos and the Netflix password. Buzzfeed fired a writer for plagiarism, calling his behavior “the reflection of an unserious attitude to our work.” Later in the day, every other Buzzfeed writer was commended for stealing gifs from Reddit. In celebrity news… because I know your fame lust knows no bounds... Unattainable lifestyle promoter Martha Stewart got a drone for her birthday and wrote a TIME op-ed about it. It was called “Why I Love My Drone” in which she Bombs Hamas Rebels with scrapbooks. finally, Orlando Bloom took a swing at Justin Bieber in an Ibiza nightclub, which is weird because it always seemed like he got along so well with hobbits. If you have a Sauron level thirst for mead allow me to introduce middle-earth’s finest ale; Kenzinger Beer. Tastier than a dwarf root and more potent than an orc-vitality-drink; from the elven elders at Philadelphia Brewing Company. It’s Kenzinger Beer. That’s all from Scrapple News, I remain AP Ticker reminding you there are no filing cabinets in the jungle… monkeys don’t colate. Scrapple TV News -- Week of August 11th, 2014. Scrapple News written by: Scott Colan, Steve Galley, Brendan Skwire, Alison Zeidman, John Zito Shot by: Marc Brodzik Edited by: Andrew Geller Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Stop by the Website for More News and Infotainment

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