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PostWed Sep 19, 2012 10:23 pm » by The57ironman


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.......livin' life backwards......... :peep:















:lol:



















MY NEXT LIFE by George Carlin...




I want to live my next life backwards: You start out

dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in

a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get

kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement

and collect your pension. Then when you start work,

you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40

years until you're too young to work. You get ready for

High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally

promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you

become a kid, you play, and you have no

responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in

Spa-like conditions - Central heating, room service on

tap, and then...










You finish off as an orgasm.








........''ta-da''..... :banana: ..... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



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..... If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.......
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PostThu Sep 20, 2012 2:54 pm » by Boatman


That's a Doozy Iron :lol: :lol: :flop:
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PostThu Sep 20, 2012 2:56 pm » by Boatman


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PostThu Sep 20, 2012 3:51 pm » by Fatdogmendoza


Boatman wrote:Image



Hehehehe!

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PostFri Sep 21, 2012 6:06 pm » by The57ironman


.

:lol:

....er.....maybe not.... :shock:


I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails

in the past...especially the instructional youtube videos

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let

the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the

bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has

happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because

the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine

how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of

a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the e-mail about rat poo in the glue on

envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope

that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of

ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water

buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,

so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven

different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave

anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle

infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a

perfume sample and rob me..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black

snake or spider could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant

death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in

the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester

waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin

Spider and my hand will fall off.




P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by

e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..



Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered

that people with insufficient brain activity will read this with their hand on

the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.





...... :lol: ........no need to thank me.....you're :hiho:




:lol:



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..... If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.......
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PostSat Sep 22, 2012 2:40 am » by Harbin


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PostSat Sep 22, 2012 4:52 pm » by Thruster


Image
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PostSat Sep 22, 2012 5:00 pm » by The57ironman


Harbin wrote:


Upload to Disclose.tv


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...that's a f*ckin' good one... :lol:

.








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Thruster wrote:Image

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......if only... :lol:


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PostSat Sep 22, 2012 5:08 pm » by Boatman


Thruster wrote:Image



That is a good one Thruster, where did you find it?.
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PostSat Sep 22, 2012 5:52 pm » by Thruster


Boatman wrote:
Thruster wrote:Image



That is a good one Thruster, where did you find it?.



If I tell you that I'll have to ki.....Okay, I give in. 'Angry Duck'.

:cheers:
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