The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away, his full annually benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000.00.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.00
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "From the tip of my penis to the tip of my balls." The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.
The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.
"My God!" he said, "Where are your balls?"
The general replied," in Vietnam."
if i may humbly contribute..........
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was
In charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK
YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN
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