Oh "Jesus"..Here we go again...

Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:38 pm » by **Odrama**

Yet, even MORE news on the Shroud....I thought we already proved this thing wasn't used for Big J.C. and the Funky Bunch... :think:

Researcher says text proves Shroud of Turin real

ROME – A Vatican researcher claims a nearly invisible text on the Shroud of Turin proves the authenticity of the artifact revered as Jesus' burial cloth.

The claim made in a new book by historian Barbara Frale drew immediate skepticism from some scientists, who maintain the shroud is a medieval forgery.

Frale, a researcher at the Vatican archives, said Friday that she used computers to enhance images of faintly written words in Greek, Latin and Aramaic scattered across the shroud.

She asserts the words include the name "Jesus Nazarene" in Greek, proving the text could not be of medieval origin because no Christian at the time, even a forger, would have labeled Jesus a Nazarene without referring to his divinity.

The shroud bears the figure of a crucified man, complete with blood seeping out of nailed hands and feet, and believers say Christ's image was recorded on the linen fibers at the time of his resurrection.

The fragile artifact, owned by the Vatican, is kept locked in a special protective chamber in Turin's cathedral and is rarely shown.

Skeptics point out that radiocarbon dating conducted in 1988 determined it was made in the 13th or 14th century.

While faint letters scattered around the face on the shroud were seen decades ago, serious researchers dismissed them due to the test's results, Frale told The Associated Press.

But when she cut out the words from photos of the shroud and showed them to experts they concurred the writing style was typical of the Middle East in the first century — Jesus' time.

She believes the text was written on a document by a clerk and glued to the shroud over the face so the body could be identified by relatives and buried properly. Metals in the ink used at the time may have allowed the writing to transfer to the linen, Frale claimed.

Frale claimed the text also partially confirms the Gospels' account of Jesus' final moments. A fragment in Greek that can be read as "removed at the ninth hour" may refer to Christ's time of death reported in the holy texts, she said.

On an enhanced image studied by Frale, at least seven words can be seen, fragmented and scattered on and around Jesus' face, crisscrossing the cloth vertically and horizontally. One short sequence of Aramaic letters has not been translated. Another Latin fragment — "iber" — may refer to Emperor Tiberius, who reigned at the time of Jesus' crucifixion, Frale said.

"I tried to be objective and leave religious issue aside," Frale told The AP. "What I studied was an ancient document that certifies the execution of a man, in a specific time and place."

Frale is noted in Italy for her research on the medieval order of the Knights Templar and her discovery of unpublished documents on the group in the Vatican's archives.

Earlier this year she published a study claiming the Templars at one time had the shroud in their possession. That raised eyebrows because the order was abolished in the early 14th century and the shroud is first recorded in history around 1360 in the hands of a French knight.

But her latest book, titled "The Shroud of Jesus Nazarene" in Italian, raised even doubts among some experts.

"People work on grainy photos and think they see things," said Antonio Lombatti, a church historian who has written books about the shroud. "It's all the result of imagination and computer software."

Lombatti said that artifacts bearing Greek and Aramaic texts were found in Jewish burials from the first century, but the use of Latin is unheard of.

He also rejected the idea that authorities would officially return the body of a crucified man to relatives after filling out some paperwork. Victims of the most cruel punishment used by the Romans would usually be left on the cross or were disposed of in a dump to add to the execution's deterring effect.

Lombatti said "the message was that you won't even have a tomb to cry over."

Unusual sightings in the shroud are common and are often proved false, said Luigi Garlaschelli, a professor of chemistry at the University of Pavia.

Garlaschelli recently led a team of experts that reproduced the shroud using materials and methods that were available in the 14th century, proof, they said, that it could have been made by a human hand in the Middle Ages.

Decades ago entire studies were published on coins that were purportedly seen on Jesus' closed eyes, but when high-definition images were taken during a 2002 restoration the artifacts were nowhere to be seen and the theory was dropped, Garlaschelli said.

He said any theory about ink and metals would have to checked by analysis of the shroud itself.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_italy_shroud_of_turin

Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:40 am » by **Cryptillian**

but i do know a guy who has the diaper that jesus wore when he was a baby....you can still see the skid marks.......no shit (hahaha)

Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:46 am » by **Wompasdub**

cryptillian wrote::bullshit:

but i do know a guy who has the diaper that jesus wore when he was a baby....you can still see the skid marks.......no shit (hahaha)

I'll give you 5 bucks for it

Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:55 am » by **Lucidlemondrop**

cryptillian wrote::bullshit:

but i do know a guy who has the diaper that jesus wore when he was a baby....you can still see the skid marks.......no shit (hahaha)

You are a fuckin dick..............

But i like ya

Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:08 am » by **dlslith**

cryptillian wrote::bullshit:

but i do know a guy who has the diaper that jesus wore when he was a baby....you can still see the skid marks.......no shit (hahaha)

You know the right of ascention over there. When you hit the age of an adult, take said diaper and wrap it around said head. Hence, shit for brains

Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:42 am » by **Cryptillian**

we could go five more pages with these jesus oneliners

allow me:

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."
Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.
Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.
But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.
When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

Why did God make homosexuality a sin?
- Because his boyfriend thought it was sooooo hot

How do you make instant Easter?
Two boards and a Jew....

A new priest at his frist mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied: "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to
talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the
following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are ten commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not refered to as Daddy,
Junior and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as Big T
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat
me!"
12. The Virgin Mary is not refered to as the "Mary with the
Cherry."
13. The reccommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A Dub-Dub,
Thanks for the grub, Yeah God."
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

dont hate the player.....hate the game

Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:51 am » by **Lucidlemondrop**

Just don't hate..............

Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:55 am » by **Cornbread714**

So, another musician overdoses, dies and goes to Heaven.

St. Peter welcomes him, saying, "Man, we got a great band here. You're gonna love it. Jimi Hendrix on guitar, Miles on trumpet, Coltrane on sax, John Bonham on drums. The shit rocks! Only one problem...".

"What's that?", the new arrival asks.

St. Peter replies, "Jesus has a girlfriend who sings..."

Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:59 am » by **Lucidlemondrop**

yeah he does............

An angelic voice at that!

Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:00 am » by **Odrama**

Hahah. Oh man. If you guys like some jesus stuff, here's a video i made a while back. I took a free dvd i got in the mail and did some voice overs. It's at about 11,000 plays on that one so far. You guys can subscribe to my youtube if you want. Get to know yours truly a little better! :cheers:

It might help you to see a little method behind some of my madness. Enjoy. :flop:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ChainsawAllen

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