Shit People Say To Sound More Intelligent

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 2:53 pm » by Tertiusgaudens


Shit People Say To Sound More Intelligent

The following is a list of things people say/do in order to sound more intelligent.



"Using the abstract"

The first thing people do to sound intelligent in a forum is insert abstract talking points when there is no need for the same. These people don’t have real answers or solutions to the questions being discussed, so instead they take the debate to a nonsensical level where they can pretend to share their outer worldly, semi-spiritual excuse for knowledge with the world. Lets take the example of a debate regarding a grading system being introduced for high school kids.

Semi-hot moderator: Sir, do you think the change from marks to a grading based system will be successful?

NCERT member: Yes, it will be very successful. Field trials are done, it is in the report right here.

Bullshitter: See, it all depends on how you define success. What is success? Is a child successful if they have 95 marks? Will an A grade give him success? I think our schools need to re-evaluate their need for…

Semi-hot presenter: But sir the quest…

Bullshitter: their need for determining who is a successful child. If you ask a child, one that can make an MMS in 12th grade will be successful. While for someone else, become head boy will mean success. Therefore, I don’t really think the grading system or marks system matters at all. What matters is the success of the family, the school teachers, the child, the university, my failing marriage, my cream for genital warts and this make up which is clearly not hiding my acne.

The only way to issue a retort to such people is through even more abstract bullshit. For example, you can tell them that you are going to slap them. But what is a slap? Is it a slap on the back to congratulate them on their views? A slap on the face? Is a slap on the face an insult or just a more personalised form of a pat on the back? Is leaving imprints of your five fingers on their cheeks a sign of intimacy? Or are you talking about slapping them with a fine for being an insult to humankind's intelligence? Or slapping as in the technique used to play the guitar? Its best to keep them guessing.

"Paraphrasing"

I’m sorry, but paraphrasing is for people who are too stupid to remember the exact quote made by the original source. The only objective achieved by paraphrasing is purposefully interpreting a third party quote to prove your own point of view by giving it a hint of external validation and credibility. Lets look at an example of a quote:

“That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger” - Friedrich Nietzsche


Shibu Soren: “I don’t think the anti-Naxal operations in Chattisgarh are a failure at all. Infact, I’d like to quote a famous military expert named Nietzsche. He said, and I’m paraphrasing here, that the anti-Naxal operations are a great success for our surviving jawans as they are now a lot stronger”


So next time you hear someone paraphrasing, slap them. Then say, and I’m paraphrasing here, a leader called Gandhi said you should always show your other cheek to the person that slaps you.



"From a larger perspective"

The most frequently used pseudo-intellectual phrase on the face of the Earth, “from a larger perspective” implies that other people in the debate are mindless hacks who have the vision of Stevie Wonder. Simultaneously, it also elevates the speaker to a Zen like level of foresight that has undoubtedly been obtained by being an ardent follower of [BANNED] Ramdev in the morning and Sri Sri Ravi Shankar at night. Lets look at a quick example:

Opponent from the Rajasthan Cricket Association: I believe Lalit Modi is a scamster and the CBI must do a large scale inquiry into the allegations of him profiting directly from the IPL.

Has been celebrity posing as Cricket expert: Using Lalit Modi as a scapegoat is an easy thing to do. But we MUST look at this from a larger perspective. Look at what the man has done to globalise cricket and make India the revenue hub.


Thus, every time someone says to look at things from a larger perspective, remind them that it is not a competition between the size of Chinese and African-American manhoods and that you too, are smart enough to look at things from a macro perspective.


"Its all relative"

Its all relative is a quote used by people when they have nothing constructive or factual to say in a debate. It normally makes an appearance when both sides debating an issue have put all their facts on the table, and the side that feels like they are losing and cannot match the others breadth of knowledge. Lets look at an example.

Celebrity Twitterer: But Naxals have brutally killed over 1000 jawans over the last 3 months. And then they talk of wanting a peaceful solution?

Social JNU professor: But what about the state? They are the ones that have made their lives miserable!

Celebrity Twitterer: Does that mean you start killing people indiscriminately and challenge the writ of the state and constitution?

Social JNU professor: Its all relative.


Here, you should proceed to renounce their patriotism and call for them to be extradited to China or Bangladesh.


"Contrary to popular opinion"

Everyone likes to stand out from the crowd by giving a contrarian point of view. Some, like Brinda Karat, do it because it’s the basis of her daily wheat while some like Suhel Seth do it so they can be invited every night by Times Now whether the issue pertains to the Indian economy or deciding if David Boon’s moustache is more deadly than Veerappans. Nonetheless, the most used phrase in their verbal armoury is “contrary to popular opinion”.

Now, when people like Brinda Karat say it, your first reaction should be to climb on top of the studio desk, pull down the brightest studio lamp and smash it on her face in a way that it continues to stay illuminated. Then, you should ask her if she can see the light. This is important, because leftists using the words “popular and opinion” is a bigger oxymoron than “Harman Baweja’s latest hit” or “bumper crop in Lesotho”

When people like Suhel Seth say it, what they are implying is that the regular junta is stupid, shortsighted and over simplistic in its judgement about an issue and it is his duty to be the beacon of hope and show us pedestrian noobs the light. He also wants to be hailed as the smartest caddie in the room and the only one with the foresight to be able to examine the issue from the other point of view.

At this point, you should remind yourself that he has starred in movies such as Rog, and someone who decides to act in those kinds of movies can obviously not even judge the colour of his own shit in a gastric disorder.


"Use Air Quotes"

Accentuation is key in this world. Hell, that’s why padded bras and tight jeans were invented in the world. But how do you accentuate your talking point when sitting amongst a motley crew of fake accents, speaking in tongues and incomprehensible Communist spokespeople? Easy, you “Air quote”. Air quoting achieves the following objectives:


* Shows you to be more fickle about grammar than Jagdish Tytler is about which minority to massacre
* Exhibits readiness to be plugged in order media in case the need arises
* Displays skill at foreplay by mimicking the same hand motion that is needed while tickling your significant other in places where she doesn’t want to be tickled. Especially effective if used in front of Sagarika Ghosh

If you are ever faced with a situation where the other person is excessively using Air quotes, you should respond by making inane faces and hand signals and confuse them into thinking that you are using sign language. Then, when they ask you why you are using sign language, you respond by saying, "Oh, i thought you were retarded"



"At the outset"

At the outset is one of the biggest pieces of shit you will ever hear. This basically means that the speaker already has set notions about a given issue before he starts talking and wants it to be known before getting panned for having hidden agendas. This phrase also usually accompanies a strong sense of contempt for any alternative point of view. Lets take a look at an example:



Pencil eraser sucking journalist: But what about the rights of the villagers in the area?

Corporate hot shot in an ill fitting suit: I had already covered at that issue earlier. Like I said at the onset…”

Whenever you are faced with an At the outset, it is your democratic duty to grill the living mickey out of the speaker in question and try and dig out as much information as to why their stance is the way it is. Major users of this phrase include Lalit Modi and Navjot Singh Sidhu, or as the general folks call them, Class A pricks.




"Answering a question with another question"

This is a time tested and traditional tactic for blowing hot air in a forum. Not only does it distract the moderator and others in the room for your need to answer the question that has been asked you, it shows that you have been thinking about the issue “from a larger perspective” and your views are “contrary to popular opinion”. Political spokesperson like Ravi Shankar Prasad and D. Raja are especially skilled at using this technique – and Karan Thapar has lost the ability to have a normal conversation.


Karan Thapar: Don’t you think not apologising for what happened in Godhra has hurt the BJP?

Narendra Modi: Don’t you think you are only focussing on us instead of grilling the Congress about the 84 riots?

Karan Thapar: Isn’t that immaterial to the question I just asked you?

Narendra Modi: Do you talk this much while fucking your wife?

Karan Thapar: Don’t you think its all relative?

Narendra Modi: From a larger perspective, what is relative is the USA not giving me a visa while giving one to Asif Ali Zardari. Don’t you think he is a bigger terrorist than I am?


"Speak with a faux British accent"


And finally, where would we ever be without the faux British accent? Standing at the peak of language driven perception of intelligence, the faux British accent is what one implements if they:

* Have gone on atleast one holiday to Europe
* Been diagnosed as spastic
* Are doing a Stephen Hawking impression after biting their tongue
* Are or related to Karan Thapar




The faux British accent is utilised by people as it provides the following advantages:

Firstly, it makes the rest of the participants cower in fear automatically by activating the colonial DNA in their subconscious.

Secondly, even if someone manages to call on their sense of patriotism and stand tall, the faux British accent manages to confuse the living daylights out of everyone with no one being able to make sense of what the person has just said.

And finally, the faux British accent provides the perfect cover for if you want to abuse your fellow participants. For example, if you don’t like the idea elucidated by your contemporary, you can use words such as “Blow me” and pretend as if you said “Blimey!” or call a bunch of women “Hoes” and pretend you asked “Whose?”.

In conclusion, if you find someone using any of these tactics to sound intelligent, know that it is nothing but a tactic to hide who they really are i.e. a poser with Charu Sharma's IQ.

http://www.gkhamba.com/2010/04/shit-peo ... igent.html
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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:05 pm » by E6722maj


i write in a faux british accent, but nobody seems to mind :) :alien:
whatever

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:07 pm » by TheDuck


e6722maj wrote:i write in a faux british accent, but nobody seems to mind :) :alien:


I was kinda thinkin' the same thing :twisted: :alien51:
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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:13 pm » by lamonema


Do you mean like this? -------> "ESOTERIC". :D

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:14 pm » by Dank1


hmmm we all do it here including yourself,im not a poser and neither are you, neither are the peeps who are trying to sound smart, just because their intelect isnt as great as yours doesnt make them posers,they have a different view from you or can only verbalize in lammens terms. like myself , i contribute ,but not for a while, all ive been doing is trying to keep the peace around here by offering kind words, sympathy, understanding and advice.
at least you know what a poser is and its proper defininition, how bout we start with a new word, how about fear monger, when we start to act like were so much better than everyone else we appear to be fear mongers.
or how about hate mongers every time one one of us post derogitory remarks about govt,different species,law inforcement,or pindz, we are incouraging others to hate specific groups or indaviduals ,based upon our bias opinions, this is why the internet is such a powerful tool we can all hide out in our homes and be dork's and sit on the internet all day or we can get on the net and be superman to the masses.
so if this post makes me a poser then so be it, at least im not playing false phrophet
and doing more damage to the world than good. :roll:

Definition of poser

poser

noun

Someone who acts like they are someone they aren't by dressing or speaking like that type of a person. Most commenly someone posing as a skater.
http://onlineslangdictionary.com/definition+of/poser

fear monger:
Fear mongering (or scaremongering) is the use of fear to influence the opinions and actions of others towards some specific end. The feared object or subject is sometimes exaggerated, and the pattern of fear mongering is usually one of repetition, in order to continuously reinforce the intended effects of this tactic, sometimes in the form of a vicious circle.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_mongering

hate monger:
hate·mon·ger (hāt′muŋ′gər, -mäŋ′-)
noun
a propagandist who seeks to provoke hatred and prejudice, esp. against a minority group or groups.
http://www.yourdictionary.com/hatemonger
this thread is totally narcissistic in nature :vomit:
oh ya:
Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
i don't speak dumbfu@k and i don't understand it either!

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:24 pm » by lamonema


George Carlin used the word F#@k with intellagance. An intellect can come in many forms. Sometimes a few simple words can speak the most truth. Then again it depends on what you veiw as simple.

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:38 pm » by Boondox681


i've said it before and i'll say it again...
INTELLIGENT DOES NOT EQUAL SMART.
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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:45 pm » by Otomon


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You come in here calling us posers yet this whole thread is just a copy+paste?
I am not impressed.
I am energized 13 I am CHRISTalized 13 I am amplified 13 I detach from the illusions of matter 13 I no longer choose to play the unconscious role 13 I listen to my intuition 13 I am in my flow 13 I break free from all negative soul ties 13

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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 4:50 pm » by Harbin


My dear fellow, your a good chap and all that rot.
I don't want to start paraphrasing at the outset here, but your post, from a larger perspective, don't you think it's, "all relative", anyway.
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PostFri Oct 01, 2010 6:05 pm » by Freeyourmindnow


Don't be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts


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