Shithouse Quotes

[Tertiusgaudens Profile]

Now I remember years ago I saw a German book on shithouse quotes - very interesting, very funny, sometimes very wise.

lets have a start on quotes you remember and found worth sharing!

[Realorfake Profile]

fool me once shame on you, fool me twice I'll fuckin bash your face....

[Corleone Profile]

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
Trying to shit out taco sauce
Very soon I'll drop a load
I only hope I don't explode
I cry, I moan, I scream, I growl
A big turd plops, the smell so foul

An eruption of brown juice exits the ass
A period of farting ensues, more crap, more gas
A fireworks display of fecal delight
A mix of tan, brown, and specks of white
The grotesque sensation, the aroma so nasty
The putrid trepidation, the sight so ghastly

The look and the smell is all just too much
I vomit on my lap as more excrement leaves my butt
Like a thousand rotting corpses, the stench is terrible
The feeling of scumminess so unbearable

Lord save me from this wretched chamber of shit!
Thy ass has been split, the pain it must quit.
The vomit, it stains thy clothes
The stink, it tortures thy nose

In utter despair I cried out in fright
Then up from above descended a being from the light
His arms opened up as he smiled through the white vapor
He said, "Take this rag, you'll need it, there's no toilet paper!"

[Allreadydead Profile Website]

Saw this on a shithouse door some years ago:

"If it cry's - then take it with you........"

[TheDuck Profile]

There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a "flush." It is enough to make one ashamed of the species. ~ Mark Twain

Poker is the game closest to the western conception of life, where life and thought are recognized as intimately combined, where free will prevails over philosophies of fate or of chance, where men are considered moral agents and where - at least in the short run - the important thing is not what happens but what people think happens. ~ John Luckacs

The poker player learns that sometimes both science and common sense are wrong; that the bumblebee can fly; that, perhaps, one should never trust an expert; that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of by those with an academic bent. ~ David Mamet

I believe in poker the way I believe in the American Dream. Poker is good for you. It enriches the soul, sharpens the intellect, heals the spirit, and - when played well, nourishes the wallet. ~ Lou Krieger

One for Eliakim:

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e., everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. ~ Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, 1991

[TheDuck Profile]

Saw this on a shithouse door some years ago:

"If it cry's - then take it with you........"

Quality man

[Mushroom Profile]

Alimony.. The fucking you get for getting fucked. (read that in a shitter in Holland)

Please use the toilet when the floor is full.. (read that in the UK)

[Swiftvengeance Profile]

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
Trying to shit out taco sauce
Very soon I'll drop a load
I only hope I don't explode
I cry, I moan, I scream, I growl
A big turd plops, the smell so foul

An eruption of brown juice exits the ass
A period of farting ensues, more crap, more gas
A fireworks display of fecal delight
A mix of tan, brown, and specks of white
The grotesque sensation, the aroma so nasty
The putrid trepidation, the sight so ghastly

The look and the smell is all just too much
I vomit on my lap as more excrement leaves my butt
Like a thousand rotting corpses, the stench is terrible
The feeling of scumminess so unbearable

Lord save me from this wretched chamber of shit!
Thy ass has been split, the pain it must quit.
The vomit, it stains thy clothes
The stink, it tortures thy nose

In utter despair I cried out in fright
Then up from above descended a being from the light
His arms opened up as he smiled through the white vapor
He said, "Take this rag, you'll need it, there's no toilet paper!"

I needed to go to the shithouse after reading that. lmao

[Rizze Profile Website]

Some people come here to sit and think.
Some, come here to ponder.
The rest come here, to shit and stink
and fart like fucking thunder.