Somali Pirates Say They Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs

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PostThu Apr 29, 2010 1:44 pm » by Muchtyman


The Ultimate Get out of jail free Card . :lol: :lol: :lol:

Somali Pirates Say They Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs
Could Make Prosecution Difficult, Experts Say



NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) – Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.
There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, “We are doing God’s work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein.”
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis’ work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
“We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday,” the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, “plus to get our share of the bailout money.”
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
“There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates,” one government source said. “But if they’re bankers, our hands are tied.”


http://www.borowitzreport.com/2010/04/2 ... man-sachs/

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PostThu Apr 29, 2010 1:48 pm » by Cassiopeia


muchtyman wrote:The Ultimate Get out of jail free Card . :lol: :lol: :lol:

Somali Pirates Say They Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs
Could Make Prosecution Difficult, Experts Say



NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) – Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.
There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, “We are doing God’s work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein.”
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis’ work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
“We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday,” the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, “plus to get our share of the bailout money.”
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
“There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates,” one government source said. “But if they’re bankers, our hands are tied.”


http://www.borowitzreport.com/2010/04/2 ... man-sachs/




Ahhh the holy powers of bankers! Untouchable by law, fist or fear! If only my soul weren't so pure--then I could become one!
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PostThu Apr 29, 2010 2:12 pm » by Cornbread714


Ha ha, that's funny as hell :flop: I almost fell for it at first, ha ha ha, but I know the Somali pirates have more scruples than Goldman-Sachs. They would never do business with those kind of assholes... :sunny:
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PostThu Apr 29, 2010 2:14 pm » by Lighthouse


The Ultimate Get out of jail free Card

Smart guys those Somali pirates, they definitely keep up with the latest scandals :D
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