THE DAY THAT THE EARTH STOOD STILL (But Only The Big Apple)

[Thecerealkiller Profile]

NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) --
If you'd rather not lay unconscious
in a hospital or, even worse, find
yourself laid out horizontally on an
ice-cold slab in the morgue, stay
indoors on Friday evening.
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Traffic accidents galore are
bound to occur when the usual
hustle-bustle in the Big Apple
comes to a screeching halt at
5:34 p.m. as all heads will bow --
even those behind steering wheels
-- to give thanks to Almighty God
for helping the Giants win the
Super Bowl.

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"We figure there are going to be
a helluva lot of rear-end collisions,
not only on the Expressways but
everywhere in the city," said Rush
Limbaugh, who'll hide in his studio
basement during the five-minute
mini-version of "The Day the Earth
Stood Still.".
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Extra ambulances from New Jersey,
Connecticut and Pennsylvania will
brought in to help clean up the mess,
and a fleet of garbage trucks will be
put on the ready.
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Mayor Michael Bloomberg agrees
that this may not be the safest way
to appease The Man Upstairs but
fears, unless it's done, He just may
keep His promise and not allow the
Giants and Yankees to reach the
Super Bowl or World Series,
respectively, for the next 17 years.
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Bloomberg explained that God is
rightfully peeved because everybody
on or near the Giants was doused with
praise for the victory -- except the
Supreme Bean, Whom we all know
had orchestrated the upset.
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Most New Yorkers agree that,
without Divine Intervention, the
Giants would've gotten their butts
kicked by the New England Patriots
(same as they did to Tim Tebow
and the Broncos).
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"We just hope God has a bad
memory and forgets to live up to
His promise of a 17-year famine
for the Giants and Yankees,"
BillO Reilly told his thousands of
slightly retarded viewers on Fox
Noose last night.
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Almighty God, who probably knows
a lot more about football than even
the late Joe Paterno, used a double
whammy with time running out to
help the Giants pull it off.
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Imagine, on the very same play, the
Giants scored their winning touchdown
-- WHICH THEY DIDN'T WANT --
while the Patriots, who were WINNING
At the time, deliberately allowed the
D that turned out to be the points that
cooked their goose.
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Father Guido Sarducci, who moonlights as an ambulance driver
in the Bronx, shows how thick Saturday's newspaper will be with
all of the obituaries and accident reports.
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http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif
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GOOD GOD! Boy, You Certainly Can Say THAT Again!
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http://www.edconrad.org
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If the above doesn't work, try this one instead but first remove the *
http://www.edcon*rad.org
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YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS
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http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan. ... f02e955b66
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Same here:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan. ... f02e955b66
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Ed Con*rad