The Great Struggle to Awaken

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PostWed Jul 31, 2013 9:07 pm » by Bleever

SamueltheLion wrote:I read the article thanks socks, it does have to do with those feelings of worthiness/shame and... recognizing you are worthy of your own attention/love, if you do not believe yourself worthy of your own love, you leave yourself open to be attacked/ drained/ leeched from by others. This is no more entirely "their fault" and they are not "terrible people" any more than a dog is a "bad dog" for eating food it comes across, somehow, i expect other people to not do this, and point things out about you though, i guess expectations are the root of misery, often.

I will take responsibility and learn to defend myself/ say no to this kind of behavior, because, it can be anyone.

your question lucid, as to what went on/ to make it clearer, it was something he asked me whilst visiting me here in berlin, i casually replied yes to his question, of whether he drains, because i thought "it's all a learning process, he gets it if he's asking that question", but it hit me like a train yesterday, when it clicked that he wasn't the only one, but other people had been abusing me in similar fashion, just because i leave myself open to it. A bit of an unwanted revelation, but necessary.

Anyway, all the best to everyone, i'm glad you found this worth reading, i was very inspired at the time... And will keep going back "there".

God Bless.

Hey Sam,

I have purposely not 'dug' too deep in to this subject. However, I too have been drained, drained by ppl who are bit advantageous and ppl who I love, like my children. I should note, I also have done the 'draining' as well. Just ask my mentor!

Anyhow, isn't this just a brief snapshot of life in a broken world? Anyhow, I just wanted tell you make sure you pursue your real and true rest if you are weary and burdened. Be still and know that he is...
Jesus died our death so that we may receive His life.

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PostThu Aug 01, 2013 2:51 pm » by Zer0

I will tell my side of the story, because a few have asked me, and maybe it has something to do with this thread:

I travelled to visit Samuel The Mule a few weeks ago in Noble Berlin, at this point I was heartbroken, but Samuel was a good friend who tried his best to make me smile, even though I was not in the best emotional state, we managed to put a video together, hoping it would Co-inspire the people, this is when he became The Lion, for he roared the truth in the Jungles of Berlin.

Upload to

Samuel and I learned a lot about love, about the world and about God from each other, but I personally learned that life is unfair... this is when I asked Sam if I was the problem, because people kept betraying me too.


But then a miracle happened which also made me realize that all we ever have is hope.

When I came back to my country, Sam and I were sad we couldn't be physically together anymore, so we agreed that we would meet in a massive online multiplayer game called Rift. My personal purpose was to find the elusive "Key of the Twilight" which is a gamers term for something that according to your perspective, may be the ultimate item, the ultimate story, the ultimate challenge, its subjective.


The two friends took on all challenges together and managed to get really far in the game together, however offline I was falling deeper into despair. And while Samuel was getting closer to the Christian Jesus, I was getting closer to the AEonic Jesus, I went back to my Cathar roots, these are two opposite ideologies.

At this point, because of my emotional state, I was not able to perform my best in the game, while Samuel was only getting better, he felt I was bringing our operation down., which may be true. I was also not the best person to be around at this moment, but still Samuel looked for me every day so we could continue the operation, I told Samuel what was going on with me, and he dismissed it by saying:

"You ego has to be broken into pieces, so it can be rebuilt!"

He believed to achieve this, he had to be indifferent to my sorrows. And of course he had no reason to listen me if he was just another person, but I told him that he may be good at the game, but he was not being good at being a friend, he took offence to this and said that by acting this way, I was just being a leech, a dog etc etc you can read all the insults on this thread.

It is like a few members on the thread stated, Samuel feels like I let him down, but I also feel the same, it takes two to create an impression. However I still love the guy and hope we can get back to kicking butt when he is done hiking, I have some climbing to do as well.

To me personally, the video was about what is being discussed through this thread, the convergence of dissipating wills.

Master Raphael wrote:what you call the law of attraction was missing a vital aspect to the theory that I call the law of repulsion is clear I drove the two of you together...using my repulsion not attraction

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PostThu Aug 01, 2013 3:27 pm » by Slith

Nothing like a good "dust em up".

Sam, Otto, you two are my friends. I don't like to see fights like this. Especially on here. You're both good people, but you need a break from each other to think things out. Sam, enjoy your time away. Otto, stay cool man.



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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 3:01 am » by Truthdefender

Some things are greater than friendships oto. As heartless as that sounds. The all paths lead to the same place is an untruth. I don't pretend to know Sam, but if he is distancing himself from you, perhaps your paths are diverging enough for one to protect their own identity. I have read your posts lately and have watched you be on the verge of a true choice in the past. These days you seem to have chosen the path of chaos, whether for attention, or self hatred, only you know. You speak of hope, and there is but one. Designed to be so.

Proverbs 10:28
The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish

Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Romans 5:2-5
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Psalm 39:7
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

1 Corinthians 13:13
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Romans 8:24
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

Jeremiah 17:7
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.

Proverbs 23:18
Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.

Psalm 71:14
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Psalm 43:5
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

2 Corinthians
Since we have such a hope, we are very bold,

1 Peter 3:15
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,

Much love Mang!
I'm not crazy, I have a profoundly developed worldview!

Acts 17:24-28

In Christ are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 10:22 am » by mediasorcery

you know if your personal energy is becoming drained/depleted, some self protection may be in order, thats possibly the lesson,if people are taking advantage of your personality, it can be because you allow them too, or a sign of being ungrounded, presenting as a target, make choices that dont put yourself in that sitchuation, there will always be predatory mindsets in the world, avoid or protect, either way, thats how i see it atm, its a shame, your both very interesting dudes, you know this already sam, stay well,
the story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye, until we meet again my friend.

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 12:28 pm » by SamueltheLion

heya, something told me to check this post out, going to be away from technology tommorow for 9 days, sitting here in my girlfriend's mother's house at her pc.

i think, many times, people twist things and phrase them to their advantage, without even realizing they are doing it (an unconscious pattern).

otto, the reason i got so angry and upset with you, was not because of how you behaved in the game, i was happy to boost you and show you the ropes, pull you with me, it was because of our CONVERSATIONS!

Before we even started playing together, whilst you were in berlin with me and christine, at least on two seperate occasions, you asked me if you were draining me and christine, I said yes in the kindest way I could, but not to worry about it, for I was sure you would stop it and change your ways (having now seen that you do this, yourself, in a new, more objective environment (free from parents/old friends/other people)).

We did have a good time whilst you were with me, and I still think of you as a friend, but know that I cannot be around you whilst you do this sort of thing, i will explain more in detail now, since you truly do not seem to get it, based on your reply, or you are masking your behavior, which is another reason for my not trusting you, if that is what you are doing.

Here it is: You said, when I asked what you were doing, why you were not there "I lost consciousness from taking too much xyz". after telling me last year you ALMOST DIED from taking too much xyz (ended up in hospital). Then moments later you said, "just kidding! I was off getting some coffee", this was not the first time you did such things, as the whole angle/ slant which I thought you were genuinely in (coming out of a dark place, being treated badly and having been betrayed by those close to you), was invalidated by this and other comments!
All (so much) the empathy/ support i put into you, during your stay, was for me, slapped back in my face by this kind of behavior, and it all seemed to be worthless to you, as you were treating your own life with little to no respect.

Can you understand how someone like me (I could be anyone), would, after you doing this, not want to be around someone like you (Know this: you are not the only one behaving like this), and how this ANGER towards you is valid?

The fact you joked around all of this only made it worse for me, as I could not get any clear answers out of you, and then the next few days you said, when i pressed you on these matters "You're just being mean".

When I completed editing the video (which took a lot of effort and I worked on alone), one of the first things you said was "shall i make the post now that you have done everything else?" (do you care more about what people think about YOU than you care about them? I think this is a strong argument for that fact. CHANGE YOUR WAYS).

And once you had watched it "where was the footage of me pretending to play the piano?" "oh, it didn't get included? Don't worry about it, i'm used to people treating me badly". Right! Me, treating you badly? Because of that? Do you have any idea how insulting that is, to say that? Hah! You are insane. Literally. I arranged your car journeys, we let you stay at our place, eat with us, lift you up when you were down & out, all this during my birthday, because I wanted to see you, I even trusted you with keys to our place for a day, and then you say that kind of thing? You must be insane, brother.

No, it's not just "me being mean", but I can appreciate more and more how this wicked generation, spoiled by materialism, could think such a thing, when confronted by the truth; unaware of all the strain and drain it places on those, who try to put good energy and heart felt concern into those they love and care about; remember all the conversations we had about seriouscitizen, and your feelings for her? Our past, how we prayed for things to get better, how we were embarking on walking an upright walk? Being the source of positivity in our own lives? You must be able to see how all these things, and more which i will not spell out in endless detail, but trust you to remember, are a slap in the face to me.

And if you again think I am "just being mean" or "counting points" or "being vengeful", no, I need to say these things to get them off my chest, to vindicate myself, because your post makes me feel and seem petty (it's all just about a game, and accruing "status" in it), and I am anything but that. You can forgive and forget ONCE SOMEONE HAS LEARNED THEIR LESSON, not before that: You do not emotionally abuse people who care about you, and you do not leech emotional energy in the form of kindness, positive reinforcement, patience, care, from others, by pretending things are one way when they are not.

The way people play games is symptomatic (symbolic/archetypally-revealing) of how they live their lives; the character traits they have developed, to think anyone seriously gets angry about the game, is more often than not delusional, what people do get angry about is being treated like dirt, and discovering unhealthy patterns - methods - ways others use to get ahead. In your case, I think it's not so much about "getting ahead" but about "not falling behind", since a leech can never excel the host it sucks its energy from. Strong reasons not to be one, but to discover the source within.

These may be the harshest words you have heard in a long time, but as it says in the bible,
"do not throw pearls before swine"

"a fool is given over to his own folly, as a dog is given over to again consuming its own vomit, and pigs wollowing in the mire".

"seek wisdom more than golden and precious stones... for in her right hand are riches, and in her left hand health and long life"

Thank you.

And please, please please! Take it as encouragement to change your ways, not as "me just being mean"; i want you to LIVE, to experience the joys of being alive, to do so, you must give up on doing what you have always done, since you can remember feeling sad; give up the self pitty, even if it is as tempting as 99 naked virgins bathing in paradise. Look at other people! Instead of sucking energy from others, care about them, endure pain and confusion, you will always have your perspective and be your own centre of the universe, but this does not mean you need to be a black hole (nothing but ego), but that you can practice empathy and think about, hey, maybe other peoples difficulties are even greater than mine, and when i start caring about them, i am part of the solution instead of the problem; then i can actually help, instead of just complaining about why things aren't working.
Give up the self hate, even if it's automatic; you must stop it! Learn to be a master, i thought that was what the whole journey was about?

Peace be with you.

Your faith will make you whole

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 2:02 pm » by Aragajag

Fools and retards, do you think your life has any meaning in the universe that does nothing but devours anything and everything, look around and see nature ever so hungry for you to lay still, futile is your musings of self wisdom. YOU ARE PRECIOUS, lol fuck off, see a rebel eat a Syrian heart.
Pablo Neruda:
…and now, nothing more,
I want to be alone with my essential sea…
I don’t want to speak for a long time,
Silence! I want to learn,
I want to know if I exist.

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 3:26 pm » by DarkHeart

Aragajag wrote:Fools and retards, do you think your life has any meaning in the universe that does nothing but devours anything and everything, look around and see nature ever so hungry for you to lay still, futile is your musings of self wisdom. YOU ARE PRECIOUS, lol fuck off, see a rebel eat a Syrian heart.

I find your quaint & dainty tones somewhat optimistic :vomit:

Re the two boys pouring their hearts out on here, you ought to go hiking & climbing together, somewhere like this :lol:
Rachelwordsmith wrote: I'm a comparative religions, anthropology, history geek and atheist with a lot to say based on untenable facts

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 6:16 pm » by SamueltheLion

if it were up to me i would ban the last 2 posters for their "contributions".

out right filth pouring out of their mouths, they have some serious soul searching to do.
Your faith will make you whole

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PostFri Aug 02, 2013 6:41 pm » by Aragajag

SamueltheLion wrote:if it were up to me i would ban the last 2 posters for their "contributions".

out right filth pouring out of their mouths, they have some serious soul searching to do.

Come on sam outright pouring of filth, do a search for fuck on dtv i couldnt be bothered. You remind me of me when I was your age and a christian cult member, serious soul searching already certified by 3 cults of my early life. If there be a christ in the after life i have met her.
Pablo Neruda:
…and now, nothing more,
I want to be alone with my essential sea…
I don’t want to speak for a long time,
Silence! I want to learn,
I want to know if I exist.


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