The Thick Skinned

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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 10:15 am » by One-23


It,s been a week full of animosity, debates that have upset some and posts that have been created to topple active members.
Some posters would be wise to read and absorb the below information.

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Here's an important rule for life: It's not all about you. To develop a thick skin you must first remember that you are not the center of the universe. Yes, sorry to say, you are not the fixed point around which the universe turns.

Say someone isn't paying you enough attention. You brood and brood. "are they mad at me?" "Did I say something wrong?" Your gloomy thoughts intensify, leaving you emotionally crippled and thinking that you have ruined everything.

Yet there may be a good reason for their inattention. Maybe they are having a rough week at work, and they have ten projects to complete by Friday. All of which are putting them in a foul mood. Or think about it in another way. Maybe they are behaving badly and being a jerk. But why are you fussing over it?

If this is how your mind works, you may indeed be overly thin skinned. And some rethinking is in order. You will need to learn a few skills and think outside yourself.

Here are a few tips to developing a thick skin:

. Don't take things personally. Sometimes you may need to reframe a person's bad behavior by remembering that it's not about you.

. Don't let others get to you. Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others.

. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise negativity hijacks the thinking brain. Try simple deep breathing or declare time out.

. Remember that everyone gets rejected sometimes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

. Don't be discouraged if it takes a few times to get it right. Successful people are rejected over and over, but never stop trying.

. When you're rejected or something doesn't go your way, counterpropose a new solution. Often, the person declining your offer is not rejecting you. He may even want to hear another idea. Successful individuals come back from rejection with new proposals. They're creative at coming up with additional ways of looking at things and solving problems.

. Don't hesitate to unstick sticky situations. If you're discussing an issue and the conversation is going off track, stop it and restart it on the right track. You could say: "This isn't going productively. Let's reshoot this scene from the beginning" or "Can we take it from the top?"

. Don't be self-focused. If you do focus on yourself, you'll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there.

. Stop the self-talk. Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth talk: "You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break."

. Don't worry about looking stupid. If you are asked a question and you don't know the answer, you can simply say, "I need to think about that and get back to you later."

. Learn to be patient. Don't be impulsive or react to a situation without giving yourself time to cool off.

. Don't be quick to blame. Recognize that other people have their ups and downs.

. Think about others. Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make you feel more comfortable."
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 10:43 am » by Akashicrebel


:flop: thanks. that was brilliant.
no patient can get one full retarded...


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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:02 pm » by mediasorcery


OOOOh, Im really ""offended"" and ""incensed"" by this spurious attack on me waaa waaa waaa. Quick, make new bullying laws so i can shut everyone up .
the story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye, until we meet again my friend.

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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:12 pm » by One-23


mediasorcery wrote:OOOOh, Im really ""offended"" and ""incensed"" by this spurious attack on me waaa waaa waaa. Quick, make new bullying laws so i can shut everyone up .


Just a whimsical post, nothing more, nothing less. Not been any attacks on me!. If there was I've got big enough balls to bite back.
Just being observational, that's all.
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:23 pm » by Edgar 2.0


The Internet has become an extension of our everyday real (non-virtual) lives. It's rather silly not to believe that it has a substantial influence on us, whether we want it or not.

And the rules of Everyday apply on the Internet, too.
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:27 pm » by Seriouscitizen


Great thread cageyone. Very wise.
It feels like a great synchronisity to me i was thinking the same things after the captain rutland posts. Remember (and you probably know) we are all connected so by giving this wisdom for us to grow we connect on other levels as well; and take a lot of people, subconsciously, with us that will profit from this energy.

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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:34 pm » by Slith


Edgar 2.0 wrote:The Internet has become an extension of our everyday real (non-virtual) lives. It's rather silly not to believe that it has a substantial influence on us, whether we want it or not.

And the rules of Everyday apply on the Internet, too.

Agreed
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 12:51 pm » by One-23


Edgar 2.0 wrote:The Internet has become an extension of our everyday real (non-virtual) lives. It's rather silly not to believe that it has a substantial influence on us, whether we want it or not.

And the rules of Everyday apply on the Internet, too.


I totally and utterly agree, some etiquette would not go amiss. I fervently believe that the art of communication in all it's wonderful and varied guises will be corrupted and misused. When there is a question to be answered someone will always jump on it with another question. I guess that's the pros and cons of an open debate. Some people just need to step back once and a while to reflect on what is being communicated without malicious remarks and vengeful attacks on others. I know I'm no saint and have been a part of it too at some point but that doesn't make me right. IMO the older you get the thicker skinned you become but that doesn't make you immune from bullying in any of it's forms.
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 1:06 pm » by Edgar 2.0


Cageyone23 wrote:
Edgar 2.0 wrote:The Internet has become an extension of our everyday real (non-virtual) lives. It's rather silly not to believe that it has a substantial influence on us, whether we want it or not.

And the rules of Everyday apply on the Internet, too.


I totally and utterly agree, some etiquette would not go amiss. I fervently believe that the art of communication in all it's wonderful and varied guises will be corrupted and misused. When there is a question to be answered someone will always jump on it with another question. I guess that's the pros and cons of an open debate. Some people just need to step back once and a while to reflect on what is being communicated without malicious remarks and vengeful attacks on others. I know I'm no saint and have been a part of it too at some point but that doesn't make me right. IMO the older you get the thicker skinned you become but that doesn't make you immune from bullying in any of it's forms.


Yeah, but the most important thing you get with age is the perspective of : "Oh fuck, don't you pleeease give me this shit...".
You call it a thicker skin, with a reason, but the bottom line is the words i just wrote above. You just get damn tired of hearing shit... :D

And another thing people are keen of acting like, is the herd mentality; oh so hard to get rid of in the real life, and even much harder to get rid of while hidden under the (relative) anonymity of the Internet. Especially if bullying is in question.

As i said before, we must learn how to live with ourselves, regardless of the lifetype.

If there is such a word...
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PostThu Jul 12, 2012 2:27 pm » by Fatdogmendoza


who has been bullied :headscratch: is anyone trying to undermine the forums.....I will alaways stick up for the members and the community if it seems to me to be the right thing to do... if I get banned for it then it is obviously not the place for me to be.... move on fatdog, move on.....they will be the lyrics attached to the ban hammer tune...Edgar is right when he says that you get sick of hearing the shit... If people are not happy to be part of the forum, myself included,there is an easy answer....just dont log on......anyway, I will always have something to say and I quite like my middle aged skin the way it is at the moment... :peep:


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