First of all I would like to apologize for my behavior last night. I’m in Japan so it’s early morning here now for me. When I woke up this morning I realized i don’t remember falling asleep. I had been a sleep monster (sleep doppelgänger came out to play) last night. I checked my phone and apartment this morning and found my path of destruction. I will explain.
The last thing I remember was trying to login into disclose.tv I couldn’t find my old active account so I messaged a moderator. I had a long day working from home. I was up working since 2am on course material for one of my contract jobs. I had a few drinks and took my allergy meds and went to lay down in bed and watch some YouTube maybe around 7pm my time, not sure. For me (allergy meds with alcohol) means it’s is definitely time for bed to ward off the sleep monster.
Besides suffering from almost every sleep disorder possible, which is a whole other topic, at times one of my wonderful sleep disorders I call the sleep monster. The sleep monster can do almost any daily activity, cook, go shopping, watch tv, use the internet, message and use the phone, even have full conversations. Most of my friends don’t even notice that I’m a complete zombie. I only realize what I’ve done when I leave a (small) path of destruction like I did last night or when I say ‘long time no see’ to a friend and they are like “dude I saw you last night”.
I have a vague recollection of my coherent post to the mod. After that I have no recollection. Sleep Monster is rare on its own but with antihistamines in the evening he is much more likely to poke out his ugly head. Unfortunately my sleep monster is even more of an asshole than I am. He is often confused and angry if confronted but if left alone he’s usually pretty docile. So I’d like to apologize to anyone that I upset last night. I’m sorry that I disturbed so many and I will do my best to keep sleep monster at bay.
Apparently Sleep monster also made French fries last night.
I did not sleep walk as a child. I’ve been aware of most of my sleep disorders my whole life and as I got older they have expanded into new territories. I’ve had to delete most of my messaging apps because I tend to message my mother and an old friend on the other side of the world with nonsense messages. Sometimes angry and confused. They have gotten used to it but it’s really embarrassing for me because I can’t control it.
A few years ago I woke up in a padded cell with no idea what was going on. I started pounding on the door and four civilian dressed Japanese men came to speak to me. I was irrational and wanted out. I was scared and I didn’t know where I was or what was going on. They let me out then surrounded me and grabbed my arms tightly. As I resisted four or five more men came into the room and surrounded me also trying to keep me from resisting. Once I calmed myself and the others down I realized I was in a police station. Remember I’m in Japan and I’m dealing with this all in Japanese. The officers kept asking me about a stolen pastry. They had some packaging from a convenience store and a half eaten piece of castella roll cake which by the way is dry and disgusting and I don’t like it. I had no memory of what happened or how I had got there but they kept insisting I stole this cake. Eventually I informed them that I’m a diabetic and I don’t like cake and they stopped interrogating me about the cake. I’m still wondering how I got there and they said someone had reported me stealing cake from the convenience store. I informed them that I have lived in Japan for 18 years, in the same building, never had a brush with the law and that all the staff at the convenience store know me very well and to ask them if I stole the cake. Someone went to confirm and they came back saying I was cleared.
After some time I vaguely remembered thinking. I had wanted some milk and an egg salad sandwich. Sleep monster apparently had got up out of bed at 7:30am and got dressed left my building on the 8th floor, crossed the street and went to the store and bought 2 liters of milk and two finger roll egg salad sandwiches. Apparently after that sleep monster crossed the street and sat down on the granite wall in front of my building. I had placed the bag of goods on the front steps of my building. From there I had no idea what happened.
Also I come to find out later that the previous day a strange man wearing all black running gear and a hooded sweatshirt with a black hat and sunglasses had been reported sneaking into our building and was caught on security and reported to the police. Of course that morning I was wearing the exact same thing except one thing. The man caught on tape was Japanese. I’m clearly a white guy. Apparently the police approached me and questioned me. Sleep monster got aggravated and starting talking with hands like an Italian American. Cops didn’t like that and slammed me into the pavement splitting my forehead open. At this point there are now about 10 officers, very typical in Japan. Soon after I was put in a cruiser and sent off to the station and put in a cell where sleep monster went back to sleep for three hours due to a major concussion.
In Japan it is illegal for a foreigner to walk around without identification. Even though I’m a permanent resident in Japan I can’t prove that unless I have my ID on me which I didn’t. The police can use this excuse at anytime to arrest or detain a non Japanese person as they please. Sleep monster was a good target for this hence waking up in a padded cell. So waking up in a padded cell face covered in blood. In my panic I reopened the wound on my forehead and now there was blood pouring down my face. Me knocking on the door come to find out wasn’t exactly how it happened. Sleep monster had apparently been trying to get out of the cell for three hours but was not coherent so the officers ignored him. Sleep monster got tired of being ignored and flushed a wool blanket down the toilet and flooded the entire police station. Then they paid attention and let me out hence ten men trying to restrain me. Oh yeah I’m in my underwear as well. They had stripped me of all my clothing.
Snap! I’m suddenly very coherent in a police station in my underwear, soaking wet as well from flooding the cell, wrestling ten officers. Once they realized I was suddenly very coherent everything changed. I still didn’t know what was going on but I was very aware of my situation. All I knew was that I think I had sleep walked to the store to get milk and egg salad sandwiches. The police didn’t have my milk or egg salad sandwiches so they were a bit confused as to my alibi. I asked if I was under arrest. They said no. I asked if I was being detained. They said no. I asked if I had committed a crime. They said no. Then I asked them to let me go. They asked me to sign some paperwork. I refused. We walk out into the office and my best friend/neighbor walks in. He’s there to save me but it was mostly finished by then. I’m still covered in blood and I can feel that I had been roughed up by the cops pretty bad at some point. My neighbor had gone downstairs to go to the store when he realized there were about 12 officers scoping out my building. He spoke with them then realized that I had been dragged away and detained by the police several hours earlier. So he comes down to the station to help me.
Long story short they start kissing my ass as I threaten to press charges. After thirty minutes of ass kissing they drove me and my friend home. On the front steps is my bag of milk and egg salad sandwiches. The police take notice embarrassingly. I invite them inside to my apartment and invite them in as they wanted to check my ID. They immediately complimented how nice my home theater setup was as they stepped into my living room. At that point I reminded them that it was a “pretty nice apartment for a pastry thief huh”. They apologized and left. Since then I haven’t had any real major sleep monster incidents on that level but he still rears his ugly face occasionally.
Besides that I suffer from on and off to at times chronic sleep apnea both obstructive and central, sleep paralysis, insomnia, RLS, parasomnias which include confusion arousals, sleepwalking, night terrors, initiating sex while sleeping, sleep eating, sleep talking, sleep motor activity, sleep related hallucinations, etc. Good fun.
Again. Apologies to everyone.