The Pastors Ass, Sorry in advance if anyone is offended by this

:joy:
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is… being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery… even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and just cover your own!

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Five Aussie surgeons from big cities are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Brisbane, says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, from Perth, responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded.”

The third surgeon, from Adelaide , says, “No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon, from Sydney chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.’

But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne , shut them all up when he observed: 'You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine… Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’

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John: Dad, there’s a girl I like. She’s beautiful. I want to go out with her.
Dad: Who?
John: The girl across our street, Nina.
Dad: Oh no, you can’t. Don’t tell Mom but she’s your sister.
John was furious, but a week has passed and he fell in love again.
John: Dad, I think I’m in love. She’s prettier.
Dad: who?
John: She lives beside our house, name’s Ana.
Dad: Oh son, I pity you but you can’t date her. She’s your sister as well. I’m sorry but it happened more than once.
John was furious. He decided to talk to his mother.
John: Mom, I hate dad! I can’t date the 5 ladies I fell in love with just because they’re dad’s daughters to different women.
Mom: Oh, don’t mind what your father said. You can date whoever you want, he’s not your father.:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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Nancy Pelosi met with the Queen of England. She asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Pelosi frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that ’ s easy: you just ask them a to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom “Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?”

Boris Johnson walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Boris, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Boris answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! very good,” said the Queen.

Pelosi went back home to ask Joe Biden, the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Biden ran in to Mitch McConnell out eating one night. Biden asked, “Mitch, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or you sister. Who is it”

McConnel answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled , and said, “Thanks!” Then he went back to speak with Pelosi. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Mitch McConnell."

Pelosi got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face. “No you idiot! It’s Boris Johnson!”

AND, THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT WILL BE GOING ON IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS!

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A friend of mine showed me his new car stereo, “watch this he said” he turned on the stereo and said “ballad” there was a pause then Whitney Houston I Will Always Love Came On,
Then he said “Rock” a pause and Guns And Roses Sweet Child Of Mine started playing, I was well impressed.
I asked, “Do me a favour pop me up to the shop” “No probs” he said, so off went in his car.
On the way a kid ran out in front of the car and my friend had to swerve to miss him, he rolled down the car window and shouted “Hey I should fuck you for that” Gary Glitter came on…

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:clap::clap::clap: i laughed my balls off :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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the last line. yes … :beers:
season 9 hbo GIF by Curb Your Enthusiasm

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U win !!! U beat me all

U got baby nuts

Best laugh i had for a long time thanks

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You do know that both parties are idiots and corporate Wall Street collaborators, right? Hahaha! I wouldn’t vote for EITHER party, and I don’t! This is the problem with Americans, they are so brainwashed by their crappy “education?” system and the corporate media, that they don’t even KNOW that they are completely manipulated to do the bidding of the ruling class. My suggestion is that every American citizen stops throwing their votes away on those two, totally USELESS and CORRUPT political parties and start voting for either the Green Party or the Peace and Freedom Party. It’s that simple.

Hmm forgive me if I’m wrong but this particular post is purely for laughs you’ve gone a little off the beaten track with your post, are you even sure you’ve posted it into the actual correct thread?

Please could you delete your post as it’s simply not relevant.

Well, I’m not sure what’s so funny about the Pelosi/McConnell joke. Both of those parties are filled to the top with slimebags, so, to me, anyway, that “joke” wasn’t funny. It just points out how well “divide and conquer” works in politics on this planet. I hate McConnell as much as I hate Pelosi. So, well, it just wasn’t funny, that’s all. But, I guess the other sheep thought it was, so, I guess that’s all that matters. I did, however, laugh at a lot of your posted jokes and gave them “likes”. And, I apologize, it’s just that I absolutely HATE all those totally useless politicians up there on Capital Shill. But, keep the jokes coming. Most of them are funny.

Yes I understand, I’m not into politics myself but the reality of it all is that it’s just a Mickey take regarding politicians no matter who they are, you have to learn to go past what you don’t agree with.